My First Mom Post

When I started this blog, I had intended to include some posts about being a mom. However, all of my posts thus far have been about my indie writing journey. So, here's my first mom post.

This one is on dealing with tweens and back talk. It's so annoying when it happens and it's so tempting to get mad. But I read somewhere that the best thing you can do is to refrain from engaging. The only thing you'll do if you do engage is to start a fight. Instead, the advice is to have a preplanned phrase that points out that the talk is not respectful without doing so directly. I use the question, "Can you say that to me in a better way?" I also use, "When you are calm and can speak to me politely, I will be able to listen to you."

My understanding is that this technique calls attention to the behavior and serves as a reminder to the child to modify the behavior. The theory is that the self-reflection that it causes results in teaching more than a direct scolding statement from an adult would. It forces the child to notice the conduct and then to make a decision to change it.

The first time I tried this, the result was wonderful. My daughter stopped and thought for a moment and then phrased her statement more politely, both in terms and in tone. I have used it many times since and it still seems to work. I hope that either it continues to work or that eventually it's not needed anymore.